Saturday, June 25, 2011

Let me tell you something. I'm not blind.

I know the two of us just don't fit. For one thing, you never told me where we stood...but I guess you never knew and neither did I until tonight. And for another, you never really knew me and damn it all to hell if you ever let me finally know you.

You don't like the way I chain smoke on a sunny day or cold morning or after a couple shots of Jack and one long conversation that ends up meaning nothing.
You don't like it when you ask what's wrong and I tell you.
You can't stand to see me kiss a stranger.
You regret that promise you made to me, the one you thought I couldn't believe in.
You get scared whenever you see me hanging from a branch or screaming my insides out on some grimy stage all hurt and free.
You know, it's funny how you could look at a busted car or a bruise and say it's beautiful, but when it came to me and you it was never about beauty or anything that would have brought the two of us any kind of release or salvation.
You hate the way that you left me and you hated the way I stood up for myself when you came back to tell me how hard life is for everyone.
When you held me it was only because I seemed low enough to make it safe for you to hold me.
I came on too strong and too willing and your apologies came too easily.
Now me. . .well, it was never about me was it? There was no me; there was only you, and the you that you saw in me. I was never there. I was never anywhere, no matter how hard I tried. Now for that, I would never blame you. That should make you happy, knowing how much you hated blame in any form.

What do I want from you? A month ago I would have wanted you to die. But tonight. . .take your walk to the creek. Watch it flow and tumble and wash over your hands; I remember how fond you were of metaphores. Just know I'm not gonna be the tramp sitting on the cold sturdy rocks by your feet anymore. I'll get mine. After all, if you can stand all this so can I. I'm not even gonna bother to ask you to remember me, but God damn it all to hell if I should ever be able to forget you.


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