Have you forgotten me? I wanna say it.
Mother Carter sings, "..when you won and neglected your frail wildwood flower."
I never used to think much of that song. It was just another sad, traditional country tune that I could slap on the turn table while I got ready for work or school. Not so much anymore. The sky was white like cotton and there was no wind to calm me down and blow me some promise or carry me somewhere else. Or carry me to her.
So where are we now, honey babe? I'm dreaming too much. My hands never felt so empty. My lips never felt so dry. I sat in front of my record player and stared out the window at the empty sky and trees, as if she would just show up and I could let her in to lay down with me for a few moments. Yeah, I've dreamed about it.......her porcelin skin with cinnomon freckles, her voice of pure understanding, her openness to me. Feeling her next to me.....in me.....
I told her I loved her. She told me she loved me.
Every muscle tightened and I realized just how......untouched.......I really was. It's a strange, sick kind of feeling that makes you think you're young and old at the same time. I picked up my mug of luke-warm black coffee and wanted to throw it at the window. Instead I downed it, for lack of anything else to do. I wished I was alone in the apartment so I could break it into fifty pieces without disturbing anyone. Life was so twisted that I didn't know if I wanted to put my fist through a wall or cry. Probably both.
My room felt so harsh. Everything in me was restless; I felt like my limbs, blood, heart, stomach, and the insides of my thighs were on fire. What to do? She was in another town too far away. Too busy, too many responsibilities were heaped on her. Though I knew she was hurting too it felt like at least half of it was heaped on me. My God, I'm HERE. I'm finally alive. I wanna live I wanna love and where is she? Doesn't she feel me? Please I don't want this again I thought I had it I though I had it please.....
My God I hope she isn't in another life too far away.