The rain crawled down her embony legs and bare feet--bare feat of Lynn, of Jasper, of Memphis, adolescent kisses, 2 am walks through dead leaves last autumn--she just sat there on my third porch step, still and nearly naked. I hadn't seen her in a year, and she seemed so much smaller thatn I remembered. Everything about her was different from what I remembered.

"What are you doing here? Where are your clothes?"

She jerked her head up and stared at me with clear brown eyes, so clear, as if she was about to cry.

"Oh I was swimming in the lake.....I think Di took my clothes.....he's always doing stuff like that...."

For only a moment I wanted to say, "So you came here. Of all places." But my tongue quickly froze when I couldn't taste enough bitterness. No, it's all gone now, everything's deliquesced, gone...

She bit her wet lip and bent her forehead down to her knees. Her bra-strapped shoulders trembled slightly. I stood there and thought, was she expecting someone else? Me, but.....a different me?


But I had to hold her.


I knelt down on the second wooden step and wrapped my arms around her frail body. I thought the weight of her skin would frighten me like it did a long time ago, but everything is different now. She started to sob, and I instinctively held her tighter.


Do you feel me holding you? Do you feel my calloused fingers over the bones in your back? Did the rain sting you? What in this dusk left you naked on this rain-soaked wood?


As I took off my coat to wrap around her, I remembered something I wrote one night by a candle, while I smoked a cheap cigar.


I feel you crying somewhwere tonight
don't know what you want, just what I'd like
I'd like for you to cry if you must
just know I'm praying, little darling,
for your soul not to rust


After I wrapped the coat around her, she fell into me. Her eyelashes batted a few times, and then closed as she mumbled, "Did I come too late?"

No no baby no

Her cold shaking hand beaded with crystal rain found it's way 'round my neck, as if that was it's destination from the start, and then her body went limp. I thought a million thoughts at once; Is this right? Has it been too long? Have I waited too long? Last year I was weary as hell and had no one holding me, no one to catch me when I was cold and naked, no one....

I stopped thinking, and risked everything. All the doubts and grudges and scars and pain that left me blinded cascaded behind me and melted into the muddy grass, and for the first time I wanted it to stay there.

I stood up, broken angel in my arms, and I climbed the stairs....

(Don't Let Me Die) in T-Town Tonight

Don't try to figure out the meaning. Wrote this a long time ago and there'a a lot of "inside" stuff that doesn't make sense unless you knew me well at the time....and maybe not even then. Ah well.

Standing in the street where the phoenix fell
clouds rush in and as far as I can tell
they're falling
the only sound I hear is Denny's chimes
and some train that I've been wishin to ride
and she's crying

James runs back with the wild-eyed queen
both of their hands so full of dreams
I can't taste one
they crash and moan with thunder in their veins
intertwined with tar in motel doorways
howling to no one

it's all just another hometown burning again
trying to run and hide from the persecutors within

CHORUS: spread my arms 'cross eternal centerlights
firefly dance on to the other side
Oh Lord don't let me die in T-Town tonight

Elena's got the Jack of Hearts in her fist
the laws between the tramps and the gents
were our only teachers
I sighed when she turned her hazel eyes to me
the ancient lady of the Desolate Sea
could have painted her features

We've been down where angels fear to tread
I couldn't get her silver light out of my head
and I couldn't lie
her fingers of lace carressed another lover
I could never get close enough to hold her
and so came "goodbye"

sometimes I wonder how anyone here can believe
I could break down to the gravel, but I can't break free

chorus

Well the sickness festers in the poor and the lame
no one on earth can play the martyr in this game
that fact is well-known
I was dragged back to the house of my father
tell me, how can he break the heart of his daughter
while night's curtain infolds?

I'll just wait on a Grayhound, but it takes so long
and tin-can alley won't stop singing that song
of no escape
and all these souls that I carve into ink
would rather be swimming in yesterday's drink
'cause the sun won't wake

and the heat burns the legs of the renegade
leaves him at a blank tombstone in the reality he's made

chorus

Nightingales, heart-attacks, door locks,
torn bibles, dandelion wine, and bitter rocks
behind every gate
James, Wild Eyes and lover Elena are gone
all anyone wants is one immaculate psalm
and a chance at faith

oh Holy Great Lord, you know what we want
won't you have mercy on this town and give us a response?

Farewell Mister James

We've made it back to the shore's edge
the wind's calling the tides
they're bringing me back the salt and sands
but I just can't swim this time
I'll carve my song into the rolling waves
then turn my shoulders to the ice
you can call me anything, old friend
just don't expect my reply

Chorus: so you can curse at your saviors
or set your rivers ablaze
there's just nothing here for me now
Mister James

Yes, I remember the blood in your eyes
and our postcards from wastelands
the smoke we blew into morning's vapors
how holy water turned to mud in our hands
you plunged your lips into my Irish chest
but I could never understand
whether you were the devil's son, the devil's king
or the saint of the Badlands

chorus

Well our back pages and tainted skin
dampened by the bolts of some madman's moon
couldn't deliver me from the soul's persecutor
and my wild mouth broke too soon
I can't keep running with the alley serpents
into raw-heated streams of maroon
strike a match against your thief's cold wall
I'm stepping into the highlands of truth

chorus

wrote this a while back

is that me in the streetlight?
or is that me in a dusky field?
Can you tell me where I'm going, babe
Come and show me what is real

Are you a denim angel girl
or are you some midnight queen?
don't know who you are, but
won't you come save me?
won't you come save me?

I'm laying on my bedroom rug
I'm drunk somewhere our west
trying to find the golden answer
or fighting just for simple rest

Maybe you've heard enough
or maybe you can still believe
you don't know who I am, but
won't you come save me?
won't you come save me?

I just keep breaking too much
but I can't stop opening my door
maybe you're sick of my hurting
maybe you can stand a little more

Now all I've got is coffee and hunger
or will morning give me more to see?
I know you could go anywhere, but
won't you come save me?
won't you come save me?

Outside there's frost in the dirt
and I've gotten so damned tired
I'd go out there and breathe out ghosts
but nothing will cool this fire

and I'm too confused to care
if I'm lost, found, or somewhere between
but you know that I'm too alone
so won't you come save me?
won't you come
save me?

short, sweet

"Colorado (Letter to Dad)"

See summer's coming on
I can feel it's fresh green
I'm gonna go change my name
and find another scene

Colorado will you take me in?
I need something to lean on

Although I was born here
it won't let me breathe
now I don't have a home
and I'm sick of the heat

Colorado will you take me in?
I need something to lean on

Daddy, I have to say goodbye
don't you worry about me
I know you want me to stay
but I just gotta be free

Colorado please take me in
I need something
to dream on

sounds better with music, me on guitar and someone else singing....someone who can actually sing, Lord knows I can't.

random free verse

the heat's soaking my spine
I'm bathing at your window
with my eyes all full of taillights
of all the people that don't know driving by

how much longer
how much longer
how much
how much....

And I'm wonderin if I'm alive
cause I swore and I swore
I was gone I was done
I've been shot down, I know the score

how much longer
how much longer
how much
how much...

one time too many
I've reached for the rain and got scorched
wound up walking and walking
humming,
"Hey hey babe I got
blood in my eyes for you"
slipping my soul into a sidewalk

how much longer
how much longer
how much
how much....

but something tells me it's different
tonight,
there's something in the strength of your skin
you voice, blessed voice, is singing my songs
don't tell me to go back tonight
the curve of you thigh
has got me paralyzed

how much longer
how much longer
how much
how much...

(how much of me
is strong enough to be touched?)

Going to Church with my Grandparents

thought I'd share something more light-hearted.

My grandparents are very old-fashioned religious people.....who live in the middle of the twilight zone. Lynn. I'm related to everybody there. My grandfather lives a short walk from his mother, who is STILL ALIVE because that woman is gonna outlive Keith Richards. On the other side of my grandparents house is my cousins....I think. Maybe great aunt and great uncle and third, fourth, or fifth cousins. I got no idea, I can't keep up with those people.
Anyway, whenever my sister and I stayed over, we had to go to their church, which is a Church of God. This means that no one can sing or play piano and everybody cries.
Getting ready in the morning was the hard part. My grandmother would tell my sis and I to get up, I'd get up, and then my sis would go into a coma. Then my grandfather would walk in with his face covered with shaving cream and start screaming "MY BABIES! GET UP! IT'S TIME FER SUNDEE SCHOO'!" while my grandmother walked back and forth between the two bathrooms in a slip with curlers in her hair. That was her thing, and she did that for about 20 minutes. Dunno why.
My grandmother and all the women who go to that church have an obsession with underclothes. Apparently it's a crime to just wear underwear, oh no you can't do that. Three pairs of underwear, a girdle, a slip, and pantyhose. Oh Lord, these women have to have their pantyhose. Of course, most of them also put them over their head to keep their curlers in place. And I am related to these people. What's funny is when they go out and forget to take them off.
They wear pantyhose, but their skirts come down to their ankles.
The men put on a shirt and jeans, then pat some water on their hair, unless they're bald. While my grandmother ran back and forth between the bathrooms and yelled at my sister, my grandfather would be in the living room watching Mister Ed. That was his job. He was a professional.
Then there's actual "Sundee Schoo'". Real fire and brimstone, head slappin', random people lying on the floor, my sister running back and forth to the bathroom, and fake flowers all over the place.

The message....well.....here are a few quotes. (keep it in mind, these people are dead serious.)

"The Beatles cause HO-MO-SEX-U-AL-I-TY in America!"
"I look around and it makes me sick, all these people in America divorcing, blacks marrying whites, schools teaching kids to be gay, schools teaching kids how to have sex, people thinking we shouldn't go to war....."
"Wearing your hat backwards means you're bisexual, which means you'll sleep with anything."
"Be careful what you buy because these clothing companies perform strange rituals on their clothes and put evil spirits in them so you'll buy them and turn bad! My son started smoking pot after he bought this one shirt!"

and my favorite, "If you look at a person, you can tell if they're a homosexual or not. You can sense their spirit and know that it's not right, that they're perverted and takin' of sins of the flesh!"

And I sat there trying not to laugh.

Then everyone would leave to go to Wal Mart or Jack's.

Wowee.

I don't think my grandparents believe in all of that, but they still go to listen to it.