Battle (Never Enough)

kinda like a prequel to my last song.

couldn't find the river but I still had the rains
thought I'd give them one last try to wash the shame
but I knew
but I knew
wrapped my prayers in barbed wire and set the fields ablaze
what choice is there when you're born into this haze
but you knew
you said you knew
a heart can wait a long time but will eventually rust
were you really thinking of me when you spoke about trust?
how can you find answers in what has turned to dust

and it feels like living just isn't enough

there is no garden, haven't felt that sacred kiss
and something tells me I just wasn't made for this
so I lied
yeah I lied
you stopped calling and faded into the crowd
I stole one drink and then slept with Doubt
Did we try?
Did we really try?
Can you tell me what is left in us?
sometimes a spirit stays lost even after it's touched
maybe we hurt because we expected too much

and it feels like dying just isn't enough

I spoke your words and then turned out the lights
is it my fault they don't calm what's burning me inside?
do you recall
oh yes you recall

that last desperate summer, that last glorious start
something wasnt recieved so I broke your heart
did I fall?
why did I fall....

a stranger ducked me under and then yanked me up
said a few lines about your light and love
then all the people went back to where they came from
as I stepped outside where the sun and the earth was so rough

and thought if we could just believe, we might have enough
if I could just believe...

Battle (Still Standing)

while I was crossing the state line
I saw you, I swear I saw you
wrap your arms around me
my heart was racing to its own time
and I knew what I knew
but what you know isn't always what you believe

so listen....have mercy
on the girl who ran away from home
yes I'm still standing
but don't leave me standing alone

everything moves, everything has a cost
and visions, some visions just fade
but you still want me to try
my soul is moaning for what it lost
reaching, reaching thru the rain
screaming I want to see you but I don't wanna die

won't you listen....have mercy
on the one who tried it on her own
yes I'm still standing
but don't leave me standing alone

as I was landing in a desperate land
I felt you, I swear I felt you
give me something I never asked for at all
my body was shaking, please understand
why i turned from you I turned from you
because I was tired of having to crawl
I'd always been told that I have to crawl
don't even know if I was made to crawl

oh hear me.....forgive me
if I broke your heart when I turned to stone
right now I'm still standing
but don't leave me standing alone

"So Long, Been Good to Know Ya"

Here's some history: I first heard the song done by Woody Guthrie. He used his own lyrics to the melody of "Ballad of Billy the Kid" and the chorus is one of the many varients to Leadbelly's "Goodnight Irene" (one of my favorite songs, by the way.) I took the lyrics to the chorus and first verse from Woody, and then made up the rest, so that's about four people in one song. Ain't folk music great?

Well, I stole the "rapping at her door" part from Dylan's "It's all over Now, Baby Blue" which also probably came from somewhere else. So that's five. Hell, I could probably keep going. I'll stop now to save time.


I've sung this song but I'll sing it again
of the people I've met and the places I've been
of some of the troubles that bothered my mind
and a lot of good people that I've left behind, sayin'

chorus: so long it's been good to know ya
so long it's been good to know
so long it's been good to know ya
what a long time since I've been home
and I gotta be driftin along

I fell for June and then had to walk away
I don't know if I'll ever see her someday
we met so young and it chained our hearts
maybe it was time or fate that got our signals so crossed, I sang

chorus

A friend from t-town said goodbye once before
then years later I stood rapping at her door
a candle light flickered but eventually died
now we won't crawl back and she's still on my mind, singin

chorus

Robby was just like an older brother to me
so patient when I was too lost to see
maybe i took him for granted when I left town
I never wanted to hurt him, but does it matter now? just sing

chorus

Now to the people who've raised me, please be fair
I won't vanish forever, I just couldn't stay there
I had to move away from the life I'd been shown
a new dawn was rising somewhere deep in my soul, singin

chorus

Gone #3

I must leave now babe for the streets unknown
I left myself open to you and my heart was pressed to the bone
while calypsoes and falling tyrants were outside my door
there's something calling, I gotta know what it's for
I still love you, but I loved you too much to hold on
we both follow a different light and I'm gone

it's not for lack of trying to live my life with you
this hunger took its toll and I didn't know what was truth
so gather your last chorus and watch the swelling tide
you could have made it better, but now it's all behind
it don't matter anymore if you were sorry all along
my nerves are broken but maybe I'll heal some when I'm gone

Dreams can't make promises and jesters don't stand on trial
and blame might comfort some, but only for a little while
but I swear that nothing in me was turned to stone
when I closed my eyes and then let my baby go
just take care of yourself 'cause we need to carry on
tomorrow everything will change and I'm gone

"More than an Incident in Jasper"

My gal went to Jasper town
not a soul would show her around
she wanted to leave without a sound
wasn't sure what was about to go down

a violent shout from the sidewalk came
mothers pulled their children away
in front of God and in the light of the day
yet another battle in her way

then the sun did split and begin to melt
no tongue can say just how she felt
walkin' thru Jasper with no one to help
a renegade lost in the Bible belt

four guys walked out of a restaurant
tried to give her what she didn't want
though she cried out they were never caught
Jasper ruled that it was her fault

I wonder when everyone will see
that her spirit shouldn't have to bleed
just because she's in love with me
tell me people, ain't we supposed to be free?

don't know...

I feel like I really need to write a chorus, but I can't think of one and it seems like one of those that I'll just forget about in two days and never finish. Should I? No clue. But it is what it is I guess.


I was never one for loving or for petals on the stairs
and I never expected to fall for anyone for a while
but still I find myself forgetting that I don't care
and trying to keep this night from turning wild

you've got some fiery midwest past but I don't mind
someone must have hurt you somewhere back then
didn't know what to think but in a minute you were inside
and I know denying that must be some kinda sin

I'm not sayin' I'm a saint, just mysteriously saved
from whatever it was that tried to bring me down
don't know if you're an angel, but thanks for all you gave
but honey we've got to know each other somehow

'cause now I wake up early and walk across the floor without you
don't know when or how you'll be back to me
is there someone else or do you have something to prove?
or maybe we just can't figure out how to be free

Seems like the moment we stood something made us crawl
and this morning babe I might miss you enough to cry
but instead I'm singing to myself that I ain't gonna fall
if you're lost someplace I wonder if you know why

Something a little different...

Have you forgotten me? I wanna say it.

Mother Carter sings, "..when you won and neglected your frail wildwood flower."

I never used to think much of that song. It was just another sad, traditional country tune that I could slap on the turn table while I got ready for work or school. Not so much anymore. The sky was white like cotton and there was no wind to calm me down and blow me some promise or carry me somewhere else. Or carry me to her.

So where are we now, honey babe? I'm dreaming too much. My hands never felt so empty. My lips never felt so dry. I sat in front of my record player and stared out the window at the empty sky and trees, as if she would just show up and I could let her in to lay down with me for a few moments. Yeah, I've dreamed about it.......her porcelin skin with cinnomon freckles, her voice of pure understanding, her openness to me. Feeling her next to me.....in me.....
I told her I loved her. She told me she loved me.

Every muscle tightened and I realized just how......untouched.......I really was. It's a strange, sick kind of feeling that makes you think you're young and old at the same time. I picked up my mug of luke-warm black coffee and wanted to throw it at the window. Instead I downed it, for lack of anything else to do. I wished I was alone in the apartment so I could break it into fifty pieces without disturbing anyone. Life was so twisted that I didn't know if I wanted to put my fist through a wall or cry. Probably both.

My room felt so harsh. Everything in me was restless; I felt like my limbs, blood, heart, stomach, and the insides of my thighs were on fire. What to do? She was in another town too far away. Too busy, too many responsibilities were heaped on her. Though I knew she was hurting too it felt like at least half of it was heaped on me. My God, I'm HERE. I'm finally alive. I wanna live I wanna love and where is she? Doesn't she feel me? Please I don't want this again I thought I had it I though I had it please.....

My God I hope she isn't in another life too far away.